We have all grown up learning how to manage our own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in a way that is acceptable to ourselves and others. This regulation is a process we develop over time through external influences. It first begins to develop during childhood through the connections between children and their caregivers and is called co-regulation.
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Co-regulation is the way an individual balances themselves with the help of another person in order to achieve and maintain behavior, thoughts, or emotional state. It is a social relationship wherein an individual’s action is susceptible to being continuously modified by another in order to maintain a regulated state. While it can take many forms, co-regulation most commonly involves warmth, a soothing tone, acknowledgment of the other person’s distress, supportive silence, and an invitation to self-reflect. Thus, one nervous system calms another and produces a feedback loop. It is a model to help younger individuals manage their immediate emotions and develop long-term self-control.
The vast majority of research relating to co-regulation has been carried out in adult-child caregiving relationships. However, evidence suggests that co-regulation is also actively employed in close adult relationships, and, perhaps most notably, romantic ones. Adult co-regulation is different from that involving children in that it is more rooted in reciprocity, such that the responsibility to regulate the other is more-or-less equally split. Acts of co-regulation help the brain in instances of false fight-or-flight responses and periods of stress. They, therefore, have visible physical and physiological effects (such as the activation of reward pathways) in the individuals involved.
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Each of us affect and are affected by the presence and biologies of the people in our lives, and it is this underlying physiological communication that forms the basis of connection that we feel with others. Since co-regulation plays such a continuous and vital role in each of our lives, whether intentionally or not, it is important to remember to surround ourselves with those we trust and those who can positively impact our thoughts and emotions.
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